Bad Habits (March 6th, 2019) by Marisa Silva-Dunbar

 
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Bad Habits (March 6th, 2019)


I like watching my golden bile slide 

in the sink and disappear down the drain.

I think of her name and face when I need

to purge the poison she’s given us both. 

The consistency of this morning ritual

has become a comfort this last week.


I have new tools to slice my skin;

I hold them in my hand;

I haven’t used them yet, 

but I think of them longingly

as I drive to work—the pressures

of the world start to crush me.


I’ve stopped eating so I can 

become as hollow as I feel.

I get dizzy enough that landscape

around me blends together—

watercolors; is this how you see

the world when you’re soaked 

in beer and vodka? Is this how 

she can appear beautiful?


We used to be safe sleeping next 

to each other, but she abuses 

your destruction—likes drowning

you; it’s the only time she can get close,

and she claims it’s a victory.







 
 

 
 
 
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Marisa Silva-Dunbar's work has been published in Apathy Press, The Hellebore, Horny Poetry Review, Dark Marrow, Dear Reader, and Marias At Sampaguitas. She is a contributing writer at Pussy Magic. Her work is forthcoming in Sybil Journal, The Charles River Journal, The Cabinet of Heed, and Silk + Smoke. Marisa is the founder and EIC of Neon Mariposa Magazine. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @thesweetmaris.

(Pronouns: she/her)