Bad Habits (March 6th, 2019) by Marisa Silva-Dunbar
Bad Habits (March 6th, 2019)
I like watching my golden bile slide
in the sink and disappear down the drain.
I think of her name and face when I need
to purge the poison she’s given us both.
The consistency of this morning ritual
has become a comfort this last week.
I have new tools to slice my skin;
I hold them in my hand;
I haven’t used them yet,
but I think of them longingly
as I drive to work—the pressures
of the world start to crush me.
I’ve stopped eating so I can
become as hollow as I feel.
I get dizzy enough that landscape
around me blends together—
watercolors; is this how you see
the world when you’re soaked
in beer and vodka? Is this how
she can appear beautiful?
We used to be safe sleeping next
to each other, but she abuses
your destruction—likes drowning
you; it’s the only time she can get close,
and she claims it’s a victory.
Marisa Silva-Dunbar's work has been published in Apathy Press, The Hellebore, Horny Poetry Review, Dark Marrow, Dear Reader, and Marias At Sampaguitas. She is a contributing writer at Pussy Magic. Her work is forthcoming in Sybil Journal, The Charles River Journal, The Cabinet of Heed, and Silk + Smoke. Marisa is the founder and EIC of Neon Mariposa Magazine. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @thesweetmaris.